Ladies, if I had a dollar for every time I heard one of you say that, I'd be able to retire now. Be honest with yourself: have you thought or said that at least once? Or, in other words, has an internal conception of idealized beauty guided your approach toward exercise and shaped your goal of how you wish to ultimately look? And, men, why is it that you mostly feel compelled to exercise your chest and arms, to achieve a misguided look of feigned largeness in the upper regions of your body?
I believe so strongly that the socially constructed generalizations of universally desired beauty are paradoxically the most unhealthy ends towards which we aim to aspire. Women are constrained to this idea of smallness, a diminutive stature, as the means to ultimate beauty, which is why so many ladies skip meals or eat less and less. Men are steered by this false idea that larger is better, in every single capacity from body mass to genital size. Be honest with yourself: how many times have you wished you were taller, had a bigger chest, were more well endowed, stronger in general, had six-pack abs, or wished at least one thing about yourself was "that" as opposed to "this"? And, ladies, how many times have you wished you had hips like Beyonce, differently shaped breasts, more shapely looking legs, a toner stomach, were smaller, or wished something about yourself was different in some capacity? You cannot achieve true healthiness by riding the elliptical for an hour and a half and then doing 8-minute abs. The point I'm trying to underscore is that we always want we don't have, from things in life to the natural physical characteristics of our bodies, and as a result, we allow these insecurities about what we're not, or what we don't have, to unhealthily guide our pursuit toward better bodies. We want a large, wholesome egg long before we've given thought to nurturing a healthy chicken. You're the chicken, and it's time to lay better eggs; but, to do so, you must focus internally, not externally.
I don't believe in the Paleo diet, I don't believe in the Atkins diet, I don't believe in "no carbs," I don't believe in 8-minute abs, P-90X, meal replacement bars, juice cleanses, any of those infomercials about the newest gimmicky tool to help you "trim fat," and I loathe the "must look good for summer" mentality. All of the aforementioned is predicated upon this idea of "get fit quick." They all champion this false notion that there is a secret to success, which has been unlocked and that you can now easily access. And more importantly, they all perpetuate the idea that the body of your dreams is now within reach, whereas it wasn't before some "National Treasure-esque" health discovery yielded the hidden enigma of a better looking body. There is no secret to becoming healthier other than this: if you want that elusive "body of your dreams," you have to stop thinking about the "body of your dreams." Take whatever idealized image of a "hot body" you have stored in your mind and throw it away, place it under lock and key and burn it to smithereens. Never think about it again. Instead, think about becoming healthier. Meditate on adopting new life habits and focus your energy on mental cultivation. Stop thinking, "Only 10 more days left! Only 2 more sizes to go! Only 20 more lbs. on my bench press!" Instead, think, "I am strong, I am beautiful, I will become healthier." Life is a marathon, not a sprint. And if you always pine over an ephemeral method of diet and exercise, expecting it to generate everlasting life changes, you will forever endure disappointment. There is no shortcut, no simple and secret method to feeling successful. And the journey most certainly doesn't commence in any gym or through any proclaimed diet and exercise plan; it begins in your mind, in the self-constructed view you of yourself.
Sure, wouldn't it be wonderful if we could all win the lottery, if we could all take a pill that magically allowed us to eat whatever we want, never exercise, and still look amazing? Yes, some people do win the lottery, and, yes, some people do have genetics which allow them to seemingly eat whatever and remain thin. But, for the rest of us who reside outside of those anomalies, we have to assume different approaches. In order to look better, you have to cultivate a stronger mind. Consistency is key to anything, mental discipline and the resolve to follow through even when you reach the bottom of the ninth inning, so to speak. Becoming healthier is pretty simple: exercise regularly and consistently, eat healthily, drink lots of water, receive sufficient rest, and consume alcohol and fatty foods in moderation. What is not initially simple is following through consistently. Diets and exercise regimens that claim you can bypass the aforementioned conventional method to becoming healthier through newly discovered shortcuts are completely false. Furthermore, these extremes through which people put themselves, such as eating only protein, enduring insubstantial juice cleanses, or whatever else, don't encourage strong foundational life habits, and whatever benefit might be gleaned from them is temporary.
The gym is always packed during the month of January. After people resolve to stick with their new year's resolutions, they drag themselves with heavy feet to the gym and haphazardly sulk around or force themselves through pain to try and invoke some sort of healthy change. When you analyze gym attendance on a weekly basis, Monday mornings and afternoons are the fullest; as the week elapses and you reach Thursday and Friday, the number of people tapers off considerably. Like trying to quit something Cold Turkey, you can't suddenly subject your body to exertions hitherto not experienced. You must start small, you must commence with a bite that you can manage to chew. You have to set yourself a schedule of 3-4 times per week and stick to it, no matter what. "Well, I just don't have the luxury of devoting that much time to exercise. And I simply don't have time to eat when at work." Really? Ask yourself honestly, do you literally have no time whatsoever to interject a new habit into your life? I so firmly believe that you have time for the things for which you want to have time. If you exercise four times a week consistently for roughly 45 minutes each time, very little of your schedule has been encroached upon. And if you spend 30 minutes the previous night making lunch for the next day, you still have ample time to fulfill whatever obligations you might have. This one is huge, especially for all the ladies: you must, no matter the circumstance, eat, and eat plentifully. There is a stigma in the wretched dieting world against eating and that we must only eat the bare minimum to subsist, less we fall victim to consuming more calories than we need.
Stop counting calories. You must eat 4-5 small meals every day, and you absolutely have to eat breakfast. "I just am not hungry in the morning, so I only drink coffee, maybe have a bar and then I'll wait until lunch to eat." I would bet my life on this: force yourself to eat in the morning, a real breakfast, even if you feel nauseous at first (yes, I used to feel the same way about breakfast) and I guarantee that after a week, maybe two, you will wake up hungry and be looking forward to breakfast. You have to eat. There's an old adage: "You don't build abs in the gym, you build them in the kitchen."
Stop looking in the mirror and scrutinizing your body. Stop concerning yourself with how you think others perceive your physical appearance. Out of the six odd billion people in the world, there is not one other person who looks exactly like you, twins included. Your body is unique to you and only you. In order to be healthy, you have to love it. That love begins in your mind and commences with your self-perception. Your body is a mirrored reflection of your internalized mental view of it. The way you think about your body and the habits you adopt as a result directly translate to your outward physical appearance. I look at myself everyday and I wish something about my body was different. I have insecurities about my physical appearance that shape and corrupt my thoughts in some fashion. I have to remind myself that I am who I am, that I look however I look, and that my physical appearance is unimportant in relation to the condition of my mind. I will focus on what I love and the rest will fall into place in the manner it should.
To the men: remember that your strength is not measured in the weight you can move, the stoicism that you are able to maintain, and the masculinity you can exude. To the ladies: remember that your worth is not measured by your beauty, that you do not need to drastically alter your appearance despite what societal constraints and media may sensationalize, and your body is your temple in which you can solely reside without invasion. People always ask me why I like chicken and vegetables with no sauce, why I enjoy exercising; people, I think, assume I must be trying to show off if I don't wear a shirt, or that I'm trying to look a certain way by exercising. I enjoy eating good foods regularly and exercising often because they both make me feel good. I learned through my own personal hardships that the things I thought I controlled merely resided under my realm insomuch as a pot of gold is attainable at the end of a rainbow. Control is an allusion under which we blanket ourselves to compensate for the insecurities we really have about the unpredictability of various outcomes. You don't truly control much of anything, as your life can change dramatically in an instant and circumstances for which you're simply not ready can befall you. But through the hailstorm of sadness and distortion, I arose on the other side with a new-found understanding of myself: that I can always control my own mind, my body, and my personal agency, regardless of whatever else I may incur. Your body is yours and you are so much stronger than you even realize.
The next time you exercise and arrive at the point that you think is your limit, pause for a brief moment, close your eyes, allow your music to fill your head and dispense with all of the thoughts running amok in your mind; breathe deeply, allow that succulent oxygen to fill your lungs, allow it to travel through your bloodstream and replenish your exhausted muscles. Remind yourself that everything will be okay, that the discomfort you are feeling is not so much physiological as it is your mind holding onto the safety net of its preconceived idea of your own limitations. Remind yourself that no matter what else is happening in your life at that moment, this small period of time is a block you have devoted to yourself and only yourself; you will confront the innumerable stresses in your life afterward, but first you will finish this set, this repetition, this mile, this last step, and you will feel so much stronger subsequently. Remind yourself that you are not concerned with how you look, but how you feel. Remind yourself that you need this time for yourself in order to bring balance to your life; you cannot only work and you cannot only exercise, you must have both for ultimate balance. Continue forth, focusing on your energy levels, your eating regularly, and your overall consistency; And one day, when you least expect it, you'll catch yourself in the mirror and your body will have assumed the appearance of your positive mental outlook of it--and, trust me, that's going to feel amazing.
"Your mind can subjugate anything, even real pain." -Bruce Lee
