It has been a long time since I last posted anything regarding physical fitness and wellness. In fact, it has been over a year since I articulated my reflections on physical and spiritual well-being in relation to health and wellness. But in light of recent events, and given the symbology of what the commencement of a new year represents in terms of fitness goals, I figure now is as good of time as any.
Your life takes many turns: throughout the course of your existence, your thoughts, opinions, passions, and outlooks change--everything about who you are is constantly evolving, transforming and traveling multidirectionally in an all-encompassing fashion. In other words, while time may move linearly in a perennially forward fashion, you as a person travel back and forth and everywhere in between. I have always been a tremendous proponent of physical fitness and wellness. I believe with great conviction that a balanced diet and a consistent exercise program significantly help mitigate many psychological and physiological ailments. Over the course of recent history, however, I have lost sight of the pillars that serve to support healthy living. I traded positive thinking toward healthy dieting and exercise instead for selfish behaviors and a heightened disregard for everything that I have championed in relation to pursuing a salubrious life.
I started this blog a long time ago under the pretense that your body is not nearly as strong as the spirit that embodies it. Personal strength has nothing to do with the amount of weight you can lift or the distance you can run; true strength originates from an inner capacity to endure when adversity tests your resolve. Over the past few months, I took a downward spiraling journey to the edge of myself and made it back with an ever-greater sense of clarity regarding healthy living--but the collateral damage I caused has been a poignant reminder to me just how much your actions can directly or indirectly affect those who matter to you most. That is why this new year I think it is important to learn how to love yourself. Only then can you truly commence on an auspicious journey toward successful self-cultivation. My subsequent sentiments and thoughts are not grounded in any absolute research that I have conducted; instead, they are salient observations I have made regarding my own personal journey and the pain I've both endured and inflicted over the course of recent history. I don't mean any complex diction or ornate syntax--these words come from the heart and are intended for anyone who could use a flicker of light to ignite the flame toward personal physical and emotional improvement this year.
Not too long ago, personal strife and stress compelled me to adopt unhealthy lifestyle habits. I always looked to exercise as a healthy outlet to channel my anxieties, but certain events proved too overwhelming and I eventually succumbed to poor dietary consumption tendencies. My negative transition didn't transpire in an expedient fashion; rather, it slid slowly down a negatively sliding scale over the course of a steady period. I still ate relatively healthily, but my lifestyle as a whole became less fulfilled with salubrious practices. For instance, I started to sleep irregularly, I ate less consistently, and my diet did not always consist of well-balanced sustenance. Furthermore, I started to consume other unhealthy items that negatively impacted my well-being. The winds of life's stresses blew me off course and my bearings became misaligned. The incorrect heading, though, was so minute at first that I did not recognize any real cause for concern. I still exercised regularly (albeit not as frequently), I had my health, I was with the love of my life, and I remained in good contact with my friends. Slowly, however, time slipped away and with it so did a lucid perspective of myself.
A large part of the reason why I believe that diet and exercise play such important roles in one's overall well-being is because of their positive emotional impacts. I have always maintained that exercise is far less about seeking physical gains as it is about spiritual and emotional improvement. That being said, my steadily unhealthy lifestyle habits began to take their toll on my emotional wherewithal. We are in large part products of what we consume: all that we put in our bodies, all that we embody as people, and all the choices we make, in turn, become the energy we exude as individuals. My negative consumption slowly begot more negativity and eventually my aura became jaded and tainted with the offensive miasma of emotional downtrodden tendencies. I exhibited mood swings and became generally pessimistic, at first in regards to daily doings, but eventually I started to project that negativity back on myself in relation to larger facets of my own life. I would get down on myself and undercut my own abilities as a person. Furthermore, I would bear the emotional weight of past transgressions, which would then manifest themselves in periodic outbursts of self-deprecation and unappreciation of myself as a person. Those who I hold dearest in my heart, the one I love the most in particular, expressed concern and encouraged me to seek counseling as a means of soliciting another positive channel through which I could unpack these emotional misgivings with which I had not dealt. I heard all the suggestions, the pleas, but I did not listen--I did not yield to the signs that so clearly indicated with great clarity the need for altering my course less I desired imminent implosion, which, ultimately, became an inevitability.
In a cataclysmic culmination of my downward journey, I eventually found myself standing alone amidst my own ashes. It was in that moment that I learned something truly invaluable: when you spend so much time tearing down the walls and edifices that surround you, you will eventually find yourself standing in solitude amidst the rubble and destruction. You see, when you begin to implode and those who love you most sense the imminent fallout, they instinctively flee out of self-preservation. Would you stand inside a building you knew was about to explode and knowingly render yourself a hapless victim of the collateral damage? It was in this instantly sobering moment that I realized just how much destruction I had wrought, both upon myself and upon the lovingly supportive pillars around me that I had in friends, relationship, and life. This sudden epiphany elucidated so clearly just how far from the path of healthy spiritual and physical practice I had diverged. I realized that my unhealthy practices and negative thinking were ultimately nothing more than truly selfish behaviors. I always believed that "selfishness" primarily connotated withholding things for oneself and depriving others of those things; I now realize that in elementary terms, yes, that is the simplest way to define "selfishness." True selfishness, though, is knowingly or unknowingly behaving in such a way that negatively impacts those around you, and displaying resistance to alter such behavior in the face of concern or suggestion. I realized in this selfish capacity, I had driven away the ones who matter most to me.
It is at once immensely heartbreaking and liberating to look in the mirror and understand with true recognition that you are solely responsible for your own unraveling. Placing blame on something else or skirting responsibility is so much easier to rationalize and live with, but in doing so you only exacerbate the larger issue at hand. I am now highly conscious of the fact that I need to realign my perspective and focus on self-cultivation. Words can be fleeting as actions carry so much more weight: I live my life with greater purpose toward positivity and I make an intentional point in my daily doings to exude kindness, love, and care. When you make a choice to relinquish your frustration and pessimism and exhibit love instead, it's amazing what you receive in return. Yes, the aforementioned is a cliche, but the net effect is nonetheless impressive all the same. I'm not saying that I don't live with some ounce of regret and immense disappointment within myself. It's a poignant fact with which I must live knowing that it took such cataclysm for me to garner a transparent grasp of myself and recognize the wrong path down which I was headed. If I could turn back time and instead take a right-hand turn all the times I went left, I would in an instant. In that way, the collateral damage would not have been nearly as bad and I wouldn't have to live with that sad reminder.
But regret is a terrible weight to carry around and no good ever comes of it. I know for a fact. For the longest time, I carried the guilt and regret of my brother's death around my ankles like an anvil. I would punish myself out of some perverse retribution for his loss, and in doing so, I blotched out a lot of love, positivity, and opportunity. I now reflect on his life in sanguine terms: I'm thankful for the time I had with him and I know I am a better person because of the impact he had on me. I carry those lessons forward, even in the face of these most recent events, and focus on the silver lining: I am a better person now than I was before because of the newfound self-recognition I possess. I am not perfect and that is okay. Perfection is an illusion not worth chasing; rather, the practice of self-betterment and the desire to improve oneself is a much worthier endeavor.
How does this relate to physical fitness on the cusp of a new year? Don't beat yourself up and don't get down on yourself when you encounter adversity. Change doesn't happen overnight, both in terms of emotional improvement and physical transformation. Furthermore, when you fall off the beaten path or falter under your own weight, remember that you are not infallible and that you shouldn't expect yourself to be. Absorb the discomfort and channel it through positive outlets like exercise, healthy eating, and hobbies. January of every new year is always laden with the ethos of physical transformation; the inherent theme of this self-betterment is well-intentioned, but remember that what is most important is to set reasonable goals for yourself and stick to them. Draw inspiration from what fuels you and use it to motivate yourself during those times when your resolve begins to waver. Above all else, though, learn to love yourself. Life's underlying driving factor is perpetual improvement--how can we make this or that better? The alternative is complacency, which I absolutely agree is intolerable. But in your quest to become better, retain the perspective that you do have a tremendous amount to offer. Maybe in saying this I'm actually inadvertently projecting so as to hear myself reaffirmingly say it--I honestly don't know for sure. At any rate, it's a point worth remembering.
"There is nothing noble in being superior to your fellow man; true nobility is being superior to your former self." -Ernest Hemingway
