Why I gave up drinking, flavorless chicken, and guilt

A long, arduous day at work precipitates the urge to twist open a bottle of wine and bask in the nice relaxation it offers. There's nothing wrong with that, right? Of course not. Don Draper routinely swirls fine blended whiskey in his crystal tumblers, there's a 45 minute video on YouTube of Ron Swanson simply sipping on Lagavulin 16, and George Clooney looks superlatively dapper on the billboard ad featuring him holding a glass of premium tequila. In other words, media portrayals of imbibing abound. "It's five o'clock somewhere, right?"--the usual justification for pouring oneself a libation even when the current hour is perhaps not the universally accepted time for which salutations have been deemed conventionally acceptable to consume. But what happens when one libation turns into two, or when the rhythmic swirling of a crystal tumbler in hand occurs more routinely than you feel is appropriate?

I've had enough experience to understand that adopting healthy eating habits is very important to leading a balanced, energized life--I think the positive effects of good food are so understated, and I truly believe that many ailments (fatigue, colds, lack of strength) can easily be improved with healthier, more consistent consumption. However, the relationship you develop with the ritual of eating is equally as important as the food itself--I've born witness to so many instances wherein one's consumption is in some way predicated upon an underlying sense of guilt. People set unrealistic expectations of themselves, which in turn fosters this perversely negative association with food in general. You have to eat, you have to eat regularly, and you have to consume a nice balance of different foods. I'm not a nutritionist, I'm not a certified trainer, but I know intimately every chapter and verse regarding guilt. I've let it shape my life, dictate my thoughts, and I've allowed it to consume me. Over time, I've learned to let go of the guilt and adopt healthier conceptions of myself, both about my body and who I am as a person.

When my brother died, it broke me, fractured me completely. Before now, I have never admitted that to myself or acknowledged it before, ever. But there is no question, looking back and reflecting, that my mind was utterly shattered. I never confronted those feelings or took the time to grieve his passing, though; I just suppressed all those emotions associated with the devastation--I literally got up the next morning and went to the gym, proceeded thereafter to work, and persisted in as much of a normalcy as any situation of that solemnity could allow. To be honest, most of that month-long period of familial grieving is a blur. I chose to gloss over all that was unfolding before me with superficial lenses because I was in such shock the whole time. When you bury something so deep inside you, however, the pressure quietly builds, the bubbling liquid of which slowly creeps its way toward every nook and cranny, until eventually it spews over, either in a fantastic explosion or a steady flowing outpour of ooze. Repressed emotions will without question manifest themselves overtly at some point, likely in unhealthy capacities.

I found some fleeting sense of solace in exercise. I liked the way it made me feel, the natural flow of endorphins that could lift me up and leave me feeling more positive afterward. My predilection for diet and exercise became hyper-obsessive, however, bordering on the insane. I would exert such mental forethought into the preparation of all my meals for any given day or extended period of time during which I might be away from the kitchen. I centered all my attention on the clock and ensured that I would intake sustenance at the exact hour on which I was supposed to eat. Making it to the gym became a religious devotion as opposed to a healthy outlet. If I didn't have access to food, and especially good food, I would become visibly stressed. There's no question now, looking back, that I exhibited many tell-tale signs of an eating disorder. When the insistence on adhering to something becomes so great that it overwhelms all other rational thought and flexibility to adapt, I think one could argue that it's mostly unhealthy at that point. But I was so traumatized by the unexpected death of my brother, that I subsequently turned toward things I felt I could control, chief among which were what I ate and when I exercised. I was so scared of the bottom potentially dropping out from underneath me unexpectedly again that I poured all of my thoughts and efforts into carrying out daily routines with unwavering discipline, because at least in that way I could feel like I retained some semblance of control in my life. I had been wanting to get a tattoo for a while, and losing my kin felt like as good of an impetus as any to follow through with that inclination; I got tattooed on my side the Chinese characters for human emotions--"happiness, anger, sadness, joy, younger brother"--my philosophy was that no matter what may befall me, regardless of what situations I might possibly encounter, I could always retain complete control over my own emotions and possess total agency concerning them. But that's not living, that's not being truly human. You're entitled to bask in whatever sentiment washes over you in a given situation: if you feel sad, then absorb it; if anger overcomes you, process it; when you encounter something joyous, revel in the positivity. I lived in a perpetual state of monotonous stoicism, going so far as to even perversely deny myself the possibility of savoring happy instances because I feared encountering anything that possessed too much intensity. I took healthy consumption so far to the other end of the spectrum, literally embodying the mantra behind eating food of such nature: "I eat bland chicken and steamed broccoli because it gives me sustained energy and reduces any spikes in blood sugar levels and subsequent crashes." I couldn't even allow my "life sugar" to "spike." Squat, press, jump, chicken, yam, sleep, repeat. That was it. That was all I allowed myself to experience.

You can only repeat the same things, though, for so long before even the most unwavering resolve begins to falter. I couldn't live a balanced life because I was motivated purely by guilt. My brother suffered from hypertension, obesity, and was on the cusp of becoming diabetic. I made one off-handed remark of disapproval one time when he got Nutrisystem, which I later found out he had heard me say. I carried the unfathomably heavy weight of that guilt after he died around with me everywhere I went. In some masochistic, perverse capacity I would punish myself in the gym, using that guilt as counter-productive fuel to torture myself. At my leanest, I was probably around 6% body fat--I had to eat every two hours, at most, or else I would get light headed and my energy would immediately drop off. Yet, when I would stare at myself in the mirror, naked, bare, I couldn't fucking stand the way I looked. I hated everything about my appearance and I perceived myself as never being strong enough. My repressed feelings manifested themselves in the form of exercise fueled by self-loathing, but eventually even I got burned out by bland chicken and steamed broccoli.

You know, I used to drink too much, an unsavory habit for which I paid a dear price. I used to cut myself down too deeply because I doubted my own self worth. And although I've said the words, "I love you," it has dawned on me that I'll never fully be able to embody the notions of unbridled affection for another person until I can relinquish my own perverse self-imposed conceptions of inadequacy. Drinking brought out the worst in me. I'm not an outwardly destructive person, but much rather the opposite; lessening of my inhibitions would precipitate sentiments of self-deprecation and self-sabotage, which I would project back onto myself. With any sort of implosion, though, there is always collateral damage, and the person closest to me was affected by it most significantly. She stood by me during my bouts of emotional undermining with unwavering patience, but I drove too large a wedge between myself and those closest to me because I feared the possible scenario of being vulnerable in front of anyone. Eventually, she left me and I woke up to an epiphany: I was standing alone, on an island of solitude, because I had driven all those close to me away; furthermore, I chose to inhibit my own potential to experience sensations because I feared the unknown--and whiskey became an accessory to that aim. That's why I like the same shows, to do the same things, eat the same foods, and do the same routines. One friend put it to me aptly: "Keta, I couldn't even imagine you taking off for the weekend on an impromptu trip because you'd become too absorbed in the process of trying to conceive of how you'd pack your foods and work around your routines." But I was fueled by guilt--the guilt of deviating from a routine and a fear of encountering the unknown.

What I'm driving at, specifically, is the guilt associated with consumption habits. I feel people develop negative connotations related to food and eating, which in turn fosters an unhealthy and unwelcoming environment for trying to nurture positive consumption practices. I suffered from severe body dysmorphia, which is why I adhered religiously to a diet of little else other than bland chicken (literally not even salt and pepper) and steamed broccoli--I've eaten enough for two lifetimes' worth. And when I couldn't stomach those two foods alone any longer, whiskey abetted in my effort to numb guilt and subdue fear. Now I employ a much mentally healthier and balanced approach to consumption: 90% of the time I eat very cleanly--oatmeal, eggs, vegetables, lean meats, etc.--and 10% of the time I eat whatever I want. I consume entire pizzas, burgers, chips, and whatever else once or twice a week. I don't drink anymore, but when I go out with friends, I clean out the kitchens at bars. Life is about balance and it took me a long time to realize that. I also recognize that my own personal experiences with guilt and the way it shaped my consumption habits are mine alone--but I guess I'm driving at the importance of examining one's own eating habits and how critical the thought processes that motivate them are. I'm far from perfect insofar as my own emotional dispositions are concerned, but I'm at least at a place now where I can acknowledge myself in a much more forgiving manner.

I think life deserves a balance between self-improvement and also an appreciation for your current state. Remaining content with where you're at fosters complacency, which is no good. But if you don't keep positive thoughts about your personal self-image in perspective, then you'll never be satisfied, which is also no good. And while my own example of perverse devotion to routines with religious adherence is an unhealthy illustration, there is no question that improvement requires discipline and consistency. The biggest mistake I see people make is adopt some small healthy improvements, but then desist prematurely when they feel discouraged at their progress or if they cheat. Your body goes through natural fluctuations, for one--so, don't beat yourself over that. And I just really think it's important to first ask yourself what your goals are--then, examine the palpable things that drive those motivations of yours and confirm that they're healthy. Personally speaking, mine was guilt, which took me a long time to recognize was all-consuming and wrong. While the goal to look good aesthetically is an admirable one, exercise is about so much more than that. I like to exercise because I like to feel strong. I don't mean strength insofar as how much weight I can or can't move—I’m talking about a puissance that originates from within. That sense of overwhelming accomplishment you get when you encounter a physical barrier you're unable to traverse, but through sheer force of will and unwavering attempts, you vanquish that which hitherto impeded your progress. The indefinite physical response to the stimulus of exercise. That’s what I love. I still eat a lot of chicken--nearly every day--I just make sure to season it liberally and I don't beat myself up when I garnish it with pizza on the side. Balance.

"Calvin : There's no problem so awful, that you can't add some guilt to it and make it even worse.” 
Calvin & Hobbes 

Questions for introspection about your consumption habits:
What's the first thing you eat in the morning and at what time? Breakfast is paramount--I'm talking about a real breakfast, not just one yogurt cup and a protein bar.

How often do you pack a lunch versus getting something quick whilst at work?

How much water on average do you consume in a day? Is your urine clear or at least mostly?

How many meals a day do you eat? If you exercise even just moderately, the answer really should be at least four. It's such a huge misconception people have that if you want to look good you have to eat less and less often. Really, the answer is you have to eat more regularly--the net volume doesn't necessarily have to be more, but you really ought to be eating every three hours at most.

A New Year's Resolution: Learn to Love Yourself

It has been a long time since I last posted anything regarding physical fitness and wellness. In fact, it has been over a year since I articulated my reflections on physical and spiritual well-being in relation to health and wellness. But in light of recent events, and given the symbology of what the commencement of a new year represents in terms of fitness goals, I figure now is as good of time as any. 

Your life takes many turns: throughout the course of your existence, your thoughts, opinions, passions, and outlooks change--everything about who you are is constantly evolving, transforming and traveling multidirectionally in an all-encompassing fashion. In other words, while time may move linearly in a perennially forward fashion, you as a person travel back and forth and everywhere in between. I have always been a tremendous proponent of physical fitness and wellness. I believe with great conviction that a balanced diet and a consistent exercise program significantly help mitigate many psychological and physiological ailments. Over the course of recent history, however, I have lost sight of the pillars that serve to support healthy living. I traded positive thinking toward healthy dieting and exercise instead for selfish behaviors and a heightened disregard for everything that I have championed in relation to pursuing a salubrious life. 

I started this blog a long time ago under the pretense that your body is not nearly as strong as the spirit that embodies it. Personal strength has nothing to do with the amount of weight you can lift or the distance you can run; true strength originates from an inner capacity to endure when adversity tests your resolve. Over the past few months, I took a downward spiraling journey to the edge of myself and made it back with an ever-greater sense of clarity regarding healthy living--but the collateral damage I caused has been a poignant reminder to me just how much your actions can directly or indirectly affect those who matter to you most. That is why this new year I think it is important to learn how to love yourself. Only then can you truly commence on an auspicious journey toward successful self-cultivation. My subsequent sentiments and thoughts are not grounded in any absolute research that I have conducted; instead, they are salient observations I have made regarding my own personal journey and the pain I've both endured and inflicted over the course of recent history. I don't mean any complex diction or ornate syntax--these words come from the heart and are intended for anyone who could use a flicker of light to ignite the flame toward personal physical and emotional improvement this year. 

Not too long ago, personal strife and stress compelled me to adopt unhealthy lifestyle habits. I always looked to exercise as a healthy outlet to channel my anxieties, but certain events proved too overwhelming and I eventually succumbed to poor dietary consumption tendencies. My negative transition didn't transpire in an expedient fashion; rather, it slid slowly down a negatively sliding scale over the course of a steady period. I still ate relatively healthily, but my lifestyle as a whole became less fulfilled with salubrious practices. For instance, I started to sleep irregularly, I ate less consistently, and my diet did not always consist of well-balanced sustenance. Furthermore, I started to consume other unhealthy items that negatively impacted my well-being. The winds of life's stresses blew me off course and my bearings became misaligned. The incorrect heading, though, was so minute at first that I did not recognize any real cause for concern. I still exercised regularly (albeit not as frequently), I had my health, I was with the love of my life, and I remained in good contact with my friends. Slowly, however, time slipped away and with it so did a lucid perspective of myself. 

A large part of the reason why I believe that diet and exercise play such important roles in one's overall well-being is because of their positive emotional impacts. I have always maintained that exercise is far less about seeking physical gains as it is about spiritual and emotional improvement. That being said, my steadily unhealthy lifestyle habits began to take their toll on my emotional wherewithal. We are in large part products of what we consume: all that we put in our bodies, all that we embody as people, and all the choices we make, in turn, become the energy we exude as individuals. My negative consumption slowly begot more negativity and eventually my aura became jaded and tainted with the offensive miasma of emotional downtrodden tendencies. I exhibited mood swings and became generally pessimistic, at first in regards to daily doings, but eventually I started to project that negativity back on myself in relation to larger facets of my own life. I would get down on myself and undercut my own abilities as a person. Furthermore, I would bear the emotional weight of past transgressions, which would then manifest themselves in periodic outbursts of self-deprecation and unappreciation of myself as a person. Those who I hold dearest in my heart, the one I love the most in particular, expressed concern and encouraged me to seek counseling as a means of soliciting another positive channel through which I could unpack these emotional misgivings with which I had not dealt. I heard all the suggestions, the pleas, but I did not listen--I did not yield to the signs that so clearly indicated with great clarity the need for altering my course less I desired imminent implosion, which, ultimately, became an inevitability.  

In a cataclysmic culmination of my downward journey, I eventually found myself standing alone amidst my own ashes. It was in that moment that I learned something truly invaluable: when you spend so much time tearing down the walls and edifices that surround you, you will eventually find yourself standing in solitude amidst the rubble and destruction. You see, when you begin to implode and those who love you most sense the imminent fallout, they instinctively flee out of self-preservation. Would you stand inside a building you knew was about to explode and knowingly render yourself a hapless victim of the collateral damage? It was in this instantly sobering moment that I realized just how much destruction I had wrought, both upon myself and upon the lovingly supportive pillars around me that I had in friends, relationship, and life. This sudden epiphany elucidated so clearly just how far from the path of healthy spiritual and physical practice I had diverged. I realized that my unhealthy practices and negative thinking were ultimately nothing more than truly selfish behaviors. I always believed that "selfishness" primarily connotated withholding things for oneself and depriving others of those things; I now realize that in elementary terms, yes, that is the simplest way to define "selfishness." True selfishness, though, is knowingly or unknowingly behaving in such a way that negatively impacts those around you, and displaying resistance to alter such behavior in the face of concern or suggestion. I realized in this selfish capacity, I had driven away the ones who matter most to me. 

It is at once immensely heartbreaking and liberating to look in the mirror and understand with true recognition that you are solely responsible for your own unraveling. Placing blame on something else or skirting responsibility is so much easier to rationalize and live with, but in doing so you only exacerbate the larger issue at hand. I am now highly conscious of the fact that I need to realign my perspective and focus on self-cultivation. Words can be fleeting as actions carry so much more weight: I live my life with greater purpose toward positivity and I make an intentional point in my daily doings to exude kindness, love, and care. When you make a choice to relinquish your frustration and pessimism and exhibit love instead, it's amazing what you receive in return. Yes, the aforementioned is a cliche, but the net effect is nonetheless impressive all the same. I'm not saying that I don't live with some ounce of regret and immense disappointment within myself. It's a poignant fact with which I must live knowing that it took such cataclysm for me to garner a transparent grasp of myself and recognize the wrong path down which I was headed. If I could turn back time and instead take a right-hand turn all the times I went left, I would in an instant. In that way, the collateral damage would not have been nearly as bad and I wouldn't have to live with that sad reminder.  

But regret is a terrible weight to carry around and no good ever comes of it. I know for a fact. For the longest time, I carried the guilt and regret of my brother's death around my ankles like an anvil. I would punish myself out of some perverse retribution for his loss, and in doing so, I blotched out a lot of love, positivity, and opportunity. I now reflect on his life in sanguine terms: I'm thankful for the time I had with him and I know I am a better person because of the impact he had on me. I carry those lessons forward, even in the face of these most recent events, and focus on the silver lining: I am a better person now than I was before because of the newfound self-recognition I possess. I am not perfect and that is okay. Perfection is an illusion not worth chasing; rather, the practice of self-betterment and the desire to improve oneself is a much worthier endeavor. 

How does this relate to physical fitness on the cusp of a new year? Don't beat yourself up and don't get down on yourself when you encounter adversity. Change doesn't happen overnight, both in terms of emotional improvement and physical transformation. Furthermore, when you fall off the beaten path or falter under your own weight, remember that you are not infallible and that you shouldn't expect yourself to be. Absorb the discomfort and channel it through positive outlets like exercise, healthy eating, and hobbies. January of every new year is always laden with the ethos of physical transformation; the inherent theme of this self-betterment is well-intentioned, but remember that what is most important is to set reasonable goals for yourself and stick to them. Draw inspiration from what fuels you and use it to motivate yourself during those times when your resolve begins to waver. Above all else, though, learn to love yourself. Life's underlying driving factor is perpetual improvement--how can we make this or that better? The alternative is complacency, which I absolutely agree is intolerable. But in your quest to become better, retain the perspective that you do have a tremendous amount to offer. Maybe in saying this I'm actually inadvertently projecting so as to hear myself reaffirmingly say it--I honestly don't know for sure. At any rate, it's a point worth remembering. 

"There is nothing noble in being superior to your fellow man; true nobility is being superior to your former self." -Ernest Hemingway 

You Build Abs in the Kitchen, Not in the Gym

The sun is high in the sky, the weather is warm, and the flowers are in full bloom: ah, yes, the proverbial bathing suit season is upon is, and it's here to stay (at least for another month or so). Bathing suit season also coincides with gym season, which, apart from the period immediately following new year's, is the most populous time for gym attendance. As we shed our clothes and spend more time outside, a heightened awareness of our own physical appearances develops, and out of obligation we drag ourselves to the gym to sprint on the treadmill and labor through 8-minute abs, all toward the aim of chiseling out that universally-sought-after 6-pack. But physical activity only gets you about 20% of the way to a toned body; the other 80% is achieved through a well-balanced diet. So, in your conquest to look like Channing Tatum in "Magic Mike" or Jamie Lee Curtis in "True Lies," consider spending less time doing crunches and more time cooking in the kitchen.

We are constantly inundated with images of "beautiful," "toned," and "sexy" bodies in just about every form of media to which we're perpetually subjected. I have a really hard time with this. I think it's absolutely absurd that we're conditioned into these strict forms of what is supposed to be considered physically beautiful and what is not. I realize that my misgivings about media and its portrayal of physical beauty opens up an entirely new and far more complex discussion--my negative sentiments are somewhat anecdotal, but also relevant insofar as these subliminal messages that illustrate the idealized image of what is beautiful end up conditioning our own personal behaviors and habits regarding diet and exercise. We see these highly beautiful and sexualized people, which then causes us to perceive exercise as a means toward an end: if I do this then I will attain that. As a result, we're set up for failure before we even begin: we have a grossly unrealistic idea of what is physically attainable, we perform exercise solely for the purpose of attaining something (as opposed to doing it for overall well-being), and we expect unreasonable results for our half-hearted toils. But there is no secret to success, no shortcut, and no cutting corners. Looking better begins with feeling better, and the ultimate key to feeling better is consuming proper sustenance.

Proper nutritional consumption is paramount to physical development and growth. Think about it in this capacity: you exercise for 1-2 hours, perhaps five times a week. The other 22 hours of your day are spent doing whatever, but likely not anything physically arduous. In other words, most of your time is spent "recuperating," and not exercising. When you exercise, your body tissue breaks down. There are many technically-involved biological and physiological processes that occur, but in layman's terms, your body degenerates when you place it under physical stress. It then releases chemicals to rebuild stronger in response to the new physical demands under which you've placed it. The gains you make during this repairing process are largely contingent upon the nutrition you consume. All of the nutrients your body receives are used for various processes, from organ function to muscle and tissue growth. Nutrition is so important that there is an old adage that goes, "I'd rather miss a workout than miss a meal." Diet and exercise can be confusing, though--especially the "diet" part. I hate that word when it's used in the context of weight-loss because it always has such negative connotations associated with it. Diet should not imprint impressions in your mind of restriction, cutting calories, and consuming only agonizingly bland foods. I prefer the term "balanced nutrition," because eating well (and eating plentifully) should not be an exercise, pun intended, in cardboard-only consumption. I'm certainly no expert, but the following are some key points that I've found incredibly beneficial.

Lift Weights 
Ladies, I'm talking to you, too--not just the men. In your quest to tone up your body and become stronger, lift weights. Or, do some form of body-resistance training. Cardiovascular exercise is very important for improving your endurance, but you have to do some form of resistance training to further break down your body tissue. When you force your muscles to contract under stress, your body releases hormones telling your tissue to strengthen. It will then maximize the nutrients you consume to repair and strengthen your muscles. Think of your exercise regiment like your nutrition plan: balance wins the race. If you only do one form of exercise, you will only see the same results just as you would if you only ate one type of food. Lift weights, run, ride your bike, go on hikes, play team sports--mix it up, but definitely don't discount lifting weights, especially to all the ladies. I promise, you will not "bulk" up.

Breakfast! You have to Break the Fast
The inherent meaning of the compound word, breakfast, indicates exactly what the meal is meant to do: break the fast. You spend the previous few hours asleep, not consuming any nutrients. During sleep, your body enters what is known as the anabolic cycle. Essentially, your body uses this time to heal, restore, and rebuild cells. While your body does this all the time, it maximizes its efficiency at rebuilding during your sleep cycle. So, by the time you've awoken, your body is yearning for more nutrients and sustenance since you've likely used up everything during the previous night's sleep. That's why you always hear that old adage, "Breakfast is the most important meal of the day." Also, clinical studies have proven that if you consume a large breakfast, your metabolism will speed up and burn at a greater rate. Look for breakfast foods like: plain oatmeal, berries, eggs, whole grain toast, omelets, smoothies, etc. Remember, it's all in how you make your food: an omelet with egg whites, vegetables and turkey is great for you; one loaded with cheese and sausage is probably not.   

I'm Skipping Lunch Because I'm Going to Have a Big dinner
There is a huge misconception about caloric intake. Most think that it's the number of calories you consume in a day that matters. As such, people have a tendency to partition their meals out accordingly: if you're planning on going out to a big dinner, you might justify it by skimping during lunch and making up the calories during dinner. Well, it's partly true that the number of calories you consume in a day affects your weight fluctuations; but, remember: the quality of those calories is far more important than the simple amount of them. Your body is constantly burning calories. When you're sitting there breathing, your body is consuming energy so that your organs and body processes can function. If you fast and then binge, your metabolism will adjust accordingly to account for the inconsistent manner in which you consume your calories. Every time you eat, your body will naturally burn less in order to preserve what you've consumed because it thinks that you're not going to eat again for awhile. Your metabolism will burn calories less efficiently and you'll naturally store more fat. Think of the way hibernating animals massively binge before their long hibernation: they consume as much as possible before their long winters of dormancy. Your body will respond the same way if you fast and binge. Remember, smaller meals spread out evenly throughout the day is better than a few large ones. And never, ever skip meals.

I'm Cutting the Carbs to Lose Weight 
Okay, here it is, plain and simple: Carbs Are Good For You. In fact, your body needs carbohydrates to function properly, as they are one of the largest sources of nutrients your body uses. "I'll take a foot-long turkey, but instead of any bread, can you just wrap it in a bed of lettuce along with some veggies, cheese, and chipolte sauce?" asks the misinformed customer. He slyly leans over to his buddy and exclaims, "I'm cutting the carbs to try and loose weight." This is wrong; you need carbohydrates, simple. The key is the type of carbohydrates you consume. Foods like donuts, cakes, bleached flours, pastas, too much white rice, etc. are not good for you. However, sources of carbohydrates like vegetables, potatoes, whole grains, raw oats, and fruits are essential to your overall health, growth and development. The best meals are ones that combine lean proteins with complex carbohydrates. Complex carbohydrates can generally be described as foods that are low on the glycemic index; in other words, your body will digest them slowly and you will not get huge spikes in your blood sugar levels. The reason you feel surges of energy after sodas, cakes, and donuts is because your body digests the sugar quickly, converting it into energy--sort of like if you were to drop a sliver of gasoline into an open fire: it would ignite very quickly and flash out. Whereas if you were to light some kindling underneath nicely dried out logs, you would get a strong warm fire that burns slowly over time, thereby giving off energy over a more even, sustained plane. Food works the same way in regards to the energy it will provide your body: lean proteins like chicken, fish, lean steak, ground turkey, or lean ground beef combined with steamed vegetables, brown rice, baked/roasted potatoes, beans, or brown rice, will provide you with sustained energy for an extended period of time. Back to the point, though: you need carbs, you just need to be discerning about the sources from which you derive those carbohydrates.


Pack Your Meals 
Every night, I spend about 45min. cooking and preparing my meals for the following day. Sometimes it's a burden and I don't really feel like cooking, but I maintain motivation to do so because I know that if I don't, I won't have enough sustenance for the following day. And there's nothing worse than feeling hungry and "crashing." So, pack your meals. Cooking is not only therapeutic, but it also allows you to dictate what you're putting into your body. Eating out is great and enjoyable, but cooking for yourself gives you complete agency and it is also the quickest way to educate yourself on what is good for you and what is not. Recipes are simple to follow and cooking healthily is very straightforward. Season, but do so lightly. Choose olive oil over other oils; try coconut oil/butter in place of margarine; bake your potato instead of frying it; steam your vegetables instead of doing a stir-fry; grill your meats. Furthermore, packing your meals gives you a psychological edge because you know you have a certain amount of food to eat, which means you will more likely consume food on time and avoid skipping meals or buying something quick and unhealthy.

Stop Counting Calories 
Ladies, if I'm honest, I'm looking at you. It's less acceptable in society for women to be out of shape than it is for men. That's what we're conditioned into believing, and as prejudiced and misogynistic as it is, that is the unfortunate reality of what we're duped into thinking. As such, I've encountered numerous women in the past who carefully count their calories, thinking that the numerical amount is the sole determining factor to overall health and wellness. Here's a secret: I eat anywhere between 3,500-4,000 calories every day, and my worry is never whether or not I'm eating too much; rather, my perpetual concern is whether or not I'm eating enough. You have to eat and you have to eat plentifully. Yes, the sheer number of calories will contribute to weight gain or weight loss; I'm absolutely not disputing that plain fact. Furthermore, the amount I eat will certainly be more than someone who weighs less than me and perhaps has a different body composition--I'm simply trying to prove a point. But, and this is a big butt, I promise that if you strive to eat 4-5 meals every day that are well balanced and properly portioned, a few things will happen: your metabolism will speed up and you'll burn more calories efficiently; you will feel better because your blood sugar will not rise and dip significantly; you will have more sustained energy; and you will improve your shape dramatically. It's okay to work out a rough idea of how many calories you consume in a day, but don't obsessively keep track of each single one. And even more importantly, do not allow your train of thought to be this: "Well, I had a macchiato this morning and that's 250 calories, so for lunch I'm going to just have a yogurt and an apple. I'll have something more substantial for dinner, but I want to make sure that I stay underneath 1,500 calories for the day." No, No, No. Remember, the quality of your calories is far more important than just the sheer number. Eat a big, well balanced breakfast; have a snack at 10am; eat lunch; have a snack at 3; work out; eat dinner at 6pm; have a snack some time before bed (e.g. scoop of almond butter, glass of skim milk with whey protein). Also, you have to consider the amount of physical activity you do and adjust your caloric intake accordingly. Remember, you are constantly burning calories, and when you introduce any form of physical activity into your lifestyle, your body will burn even more. You have to balance the amount you burn with proper intake otherwise your physical activity will literally yield very little to absolutely no results.

You Want to Burn Fat? Eat Fat
When I first started to become more conscious of my nutritional intake, I reached a point when I ate virtually no fat. I couldn't quite achieve the type of definition I wanted to, though, and I couldn't figure out why. I thought, "Well, I don't eat anything with fat, so why I can't I trim up more?" When you eliminate fat completely from your diet, or reduce it to such a low point, your body will more likely store any of the fat that you do consume. Your body needs fat, as it is such a high source of energy. The key is ingesting quality fats. Look to get your fats from foods like: peanut butters, avocados, olive oil, coconut oil, salmon, whole milk, plain yogurt, etc. Mix in these foods with your meals to ensure that you get enough quality fat in your diet. Your body will use it as energy and it will also help you burn more fat.

The Reverse Pyramid 
Think of your daily nutritional intake somewhat like an upside down pyramid in terms of the proportions: your largest meals should be consumed earlier on in the day, starting with breakfast; as the day wears on, your subsequent meals should be generally smaller until you finally finish with your pre-bedtime snack at the smallest size. Furthermore, each meal should look sort of like a reverse pyramid, or as I like to think of it: the 3-2-1 layout. Shoot for a meal that is balanced as such: primary group should be a lean protein source (this is the "3"); the secondary group should be some form of a complex carbohydrate (this is the "2"); finally, the last group should be a source of quality fat (this is the "1"). For instance, lunch might be a large chicken breast over a bed of lettuce and plenty of vegetables; the chicken is your protein, the vegetables are the carbohydrates, and ensure that you cut up one half or one whole avocado for your fat source.

Infidelity is Good
Cheat on your nutritional intake. Choose one meal, or even one day, out of the week and eat whatever you want. Every week I choose one meal of whatever I want and I eat as much of it as I can. I love pizza, so usually I get a take-n-bake pizza with tons of cheese and lots of meat and I eat the entire thing by myself. There are numerous benefits to incorporating a "cheat meal" into your nutritional intake: one, if you designate a time for yourself that you know you can eat whatever you want, you will be more likely to remain disciplined during the rest of the time. Perhaps it's nachos and wings at the bar on Friday night; maybe it's Sunday brunch with your friends or family; maybe it's taco Tuesday: whatever the case is, designate a cheat time for yourself. Furthermore, a sudden influx of a large number of calories will spark your metabolism. When you train your metabolism to burn faster by eating better more regularly, a sudden ingestion of a lot of calories will force your metabolism into overdrive for a brief period of time to burn off the large amount of food you just consumed. But, most importantly, the cheating part is for your psychological benefit, which is a perfect segue into the next point...

Taste is Purely Subjective and Therefore Unimportant...or so I thought 
You're reading the writings of the guy who literally cultivated this outlook on food taste: "Taste is purely subjective; it is nothing more than nerve endings on your tongue that send impulses to your brain, which it then interprets as taste. Food doesn't need to taste good so long as it's healthy for you. Therefore, taste is completely irrelevant." This is flawed on many levels, as I've learned over the years. First off, the two natural things that cause your brain to release the most serotonin are 1)sex and 2)food. This is why our society has such an emphasis on dinner and dining out: food causes a huge reward factor in your brain and the rich taste of good foods induces more serotonin and therefore satisfaction. It is unnatural to resist and go against this healthy psychological phenomenon. That being said, here is the flip-side: eating foods that are good for you improve your overall health so drastically, that you feel incredibly better. Your blood sugar levels remain even, your energy levels increase, your stamina improves, and your mental state of being falls into an equilibrium. And all those benefits don't even include the physical ones that eating well yields. So, how do you marry satisfaction with eating well? Life is about balance: season your foods, but choose natural seasonings over processed ones; perhaps look for light vinaigrette; use less cheese; ask for dressing on the side; use turkey bacon, etc. Eating healthy foods does not mean taste has to go out the window. Eating well can taste incredibly good. You just have to play with recipes, be patient, and take the time to cook for yourself. Furthermore, you just have to be a little more discerning at all those junctures when you're presented with two choices: a healthy option and one that's perhaps less healthy.

Again, Don't Skip Meals 
Skipping meals is perhaps one of the worst offenses you can commit in terms of good nutritional intake. Eating less is NOT the key to living healthier. You have to eat and you have to eat plentifully. The key is choosing the right foods to consume. Many people feel daunted by diet and exercise simply because they're in a position of misunderstanding. But, please, don't let a lack of knowledge prohibit you from embarking down a path hitherto unexplored. One of the most inspiring things to me is seeing someone who is out of shape workout at the gym. It fills me with encouragement and motivation to see someone next to me who is not in the best shape, but is working hard and trying. Because against inhibitions and feelings of self-consciousness, this person chose to step into a space that is literally and figuratively filled with mirrors in the aim of bettering him or herself. In my opinion, that is a far greater testament of strength than strength measured in the amount of weight one can move. Don't skip meals, don't allow yourself to feel guilty, and absolve any feelings of unworthiness or shame you might carry. You want to know how to build abs? Stop thinking about building abs and stop punishing yourself. Exercise regularly, eat well and plentifully, and focus on the positive feelings associated with physical exertion; after a period of time, I promise that your physical gains will present themselves to you in a fashion that you have never known. I'd bet my life on it.

I'm not posting this picture of myself to try and show off by any means. I don't consider myself to look like anything particularly special whatsoever. I merely am posting it to illustrate the fact that eating well and plentifully is the key to overall health and wellness. I'm 5' 10", 194lbs., and I have no idea what my body fat percentage is. But do you know what? I don't care at all. All I know is that I feel relatively well and it's because I eat and eat plentifully. I don't care about my weight, my height, or how I really look. Remember, your body is a simple bag of flesh that will expire like every other organism in this world. So, don't place so much emphasis on your physical appearance. I know what focusing your attention on how you look can do to your mental well-being; I know because I'm the biggest culprit of doing so. I can't tell you how much time I've wasted staring into the mirror at every little imperfection of mine--all the time I've wasted wishing to myself that this or that about myself was different. No matter how you look, you will never be as strong as you possibly can until you relinquish all of those petty and insignificant notions about personal body image. Trying to absolve insecurities about my own self-image is the hardest exercise of any that I do--but I keep training as hard as I can until hopefully one day I'm successful. 

My Face!

If you know of that show, "The Brady Bunch," there is an episode in which Marcia gets hit in the face with a football. Her nose swells up and she doesn't look too great for the upcoming  dance with her date. All sorts of insecurities and anxieties surrounding her physical appearance ensue, and while I can't remember what the pithy moral of the episode is, the reaction she feels toward her physical marring is definitely worth unpacking.

About a month ago, I had a few drinks, lost my footing, and fell face down on a set of stairs. Seven stitches and no small amount of sacrificed dignity later, I've been left with a small mark above my right eye, partially obscured by my eyebrow. Little did I know, that after all of my altruistic, sweeping rhetoric about the body being frail and the spirit being boundless, yadadada, all it would take to completely confound me is a little mark above my eye. Suddenly, I'm staring into the mirror with immense scrutiny, interpreting every little facet of my battle wound as an ominous display of hideousness that will inhabit my face forevermore. What happened to, "Embrace your body"? What happened to, "No one and nothing can remove your personal agency from exerting total free will over your own emotions and mental state of being"? One tiny, little mark above my eye and every single conviction I felt about spiritual and mental well-being was completely subverted, upended, and smashed into oblivion. "Look at this mark! My face has been altered in some fashion! I don't even have a cool story to tell about it!" The wound to my face and my reaction to it afterward illustrated for me how much of my own volition I had relinquished to a sort of superficial yearning for physical perfection, and it reminded me how important it is to maintain a level perspective on myself in relation to others and the world around me.

It's amazing how much credence we place in our physical appearance: the shapes of our bodies, the looks of our faces, the state of our sartorial elegance, etc. We are our own most scrutinizing critics. "I look fat, I don't look good in that color, I need to lose 20lbs., my legs are too short to wear that dress, my arms aren't big enough to fill out that style of shirt." The list goes on....and....on. The amount of things I dislike about myself, from physical appearance to mental well-being, would span further down this page than you'd have patience or interest to read. But why? Why do we critique ourselves so harshly? Think about this: when you see someone wearing something silly, or behaving in a manner that is unorthodox, or perhaps has an interesting physical attribute, does it make you care so much to the point that you've drastically altered your perception of him or her? Do you remember forever thereafter and is it seared into your brain eternally? Most likely not. Because we're all so concerned with our own petty and vain little selves, we can easily forget the maladies of others and, frankly, others' so-called physical maladies don't really factor into our perception of them as the kind of people they are any how.

Men and women alike usually share a mutual attraction toward that one thing we all love about a person: confidence. There is nothing more unattractive than witnessing somebody, especially someone you love or find physically attractive, self-deprecate unnecessarily. Being around someone who is so self-deprecating makes you feel uncomfortable, because you simply think, "Why? Why does she care so much about that petty insignificant thing? Why does he constantly gripe about that?" How many people do you know or have you met who are incredibly attractive, yet as soon as they open their mouths you think, "Oh." And then how many people do you know who aren't necessarily Brad Pitt's brothers, but you find them incredibly attractive any how? "It's not what's on the outside, but what's on the inside that counts." We've all heard that trite adage so many times, especially as we were growing up and being reprimanded for making fun of others--but, trite or not, it's true.

Every day I look in the mirror and wish to myself that I was fitter, was this, was that, was whatever. I'm sure I'm not alone in that boat. But during the winter season of your life, when the days are short and the nights are long, and you find yourself in a reflective state, reminiscing on the experiences of your life, do you really think the physical appearance you maintained will be the most significant aspect of your time here? These earth-suits we're wearing are all the same: organic soft tissue with an expiration date. Frankly, they're pretty frail and weak. In an instant, any one of us could be squished like a tiny pancake by the infinite number of unknown dangers threatening to bring about our demise. Don't get me wrong, I so firmly believe that the quality of your life can be exponentially increased by living a healthy lifestyle. Exercising regularly, eating healthily, and seeking spiritual solace are tantamount to living a fulfilling life. But there is a strong difference between sojourning toward healthier living and self-debasing in a misguided attempt to achieve physical improvement. I become so dismayed and frustrated when I listen to people gripe about their physical state and feel driven by shame to strive toward something they think is better. "I want to lose 10lbs., I want to become toner, I want to be stronger." Those are all absolutely great goals. There is nothing more gratifying than watching your own body transform and take shape before your eyes. But just do it and don't think about it. Don't constantly measure yourself against others, against societal pressures, and don't stare at yourself in the mirror endlessly. Just close your eyes, stick to your game plan, and after some time has passed you will look up and not believe how far you've come.

I won't lie and pretend that my little mark doesn't test the strains of my vanity to some degree when I look in the mirror. While it is obviously not the most serious injury to befall an individual, I do look at it with a mild expression of consternation. But it serves as a perpetual test to the notion that while the body is indeed frail, the spirit is always boundless. Perhaps the reason dispensable advice rolls off my tongue so easily is because I'm the absolute worst at emulating it. It is so much easier to articulate rhetoric about spiritual and mental well-being from the safe vantage point afforded by these keys than it is to exhibit in the day-to-day when your emotions are real, pervasive, and ever-present. My wound will heal...probably faster than my dignity will. Yet my uncharacteristic reaction to it strongly illustrated that if one is so concerned about a physical aspect of his or her body, then perhaps the concern is actually a manifestation of some far greater underlying issue. In other words, I think abnormal obsession over a self-acknowledged deficiency necessitates greater introspection. Just ask yourself, "Why?"

"The knowledge of yourself will preserve you from vanity." -Miguel de Cervantes

Warehouse workout part II

Warehouse WOD

Clean to back squat x4

Clapping pull-ups x10

Seated jump w/ weight x5

Climb

Cheating Never Felt so Good

I would never endorse cheating on your significant other or in some other unethical way, but I would definitely encourage you to cheat on your meals. It's good to cheat for a few reasons: one, when you designate a certain time of the week to eat whatever you want and however much of it you want, you'll be more likely to stick to your meal plan for the rest of the week. Maybe it's bar food on Friday or Saturday nights, or perhaps it's Sunday evening dessert, or it could be a giant pizza to accompany Monday night football. Whatever the food and whenever the time, eat whatever you want and as much of it as you can tolerate in one sitting. Secondly, when you parcel out your meals in individual portions and you're eating regularly (every few hours or so), your metabolism will burn more calories and become more efficient. Then when you incorporate a cheat meal at a random time during the week, one that's likely high in fat and caloric value, your metabolism will burn this even more quickly because you've trained it to continually utilize the nutrients you consume as energy. Finally, cheating on your meals is good for your psyche. Life, exercise, and your diet are all about balance. You can't be all work and no play in the same way that you can't only eat chicken and vegetables. You must eat foods that are what I like to call, "Good for the soul." It took me a long time to realize this.

After I had begun eating more healthily and exercising with greater regularity, I eventually swung so far toward the opposite end of the spectrum: I never ate anything unhealthy, I always had to pack my own meals wherever I went, and I had to to eat every two hours on the dot, no exception. But, eventually I discovered that adhering to healthy habits with such fervor, ironically, produced unhealthy psychological detriments. I allowed my food consumption to dominate the forefront of my mind, detracting my focus from other more important facets of my life, and the larger picture as a whole. One, or two, or even a few meals each week that are "good for the soul" are not going to negate your largely healthy lifestyle in the same way that one, or two, or just a few healthy meals each week are going to yield you positive results. You must incorporate balance in your diet, which is why cheating is good and also why I don't believe in counting calories.

There are so many different programs on offer today to help invoke healthy changes in one's lifestyle: Advocare, Nutrisystem, Jenny Craig, etc. If you're interested, I'd love to do one with you: we can call it "Cookin' with Keta" (corny as hell, I know, but what else could you expect from a hopeless English major?) Give me one month, regardless of your current physical condition or exercise prowess. We'll do some workouts, develop a personalized program, and you can take me grocery shopping with you. I don't want you to pay me, or compensate me in any way for that matter; just give me one month of honest effort. The benefit for me is that it will be as much of a learning process as it might be for you. If you're at all interested, shoot me a message.

"Start where you are...That's a very rich place to start--juicy...Just where you are--that's the place to start." -Pema Chodron

"I don't want to get bulky, I just want to be tone"

Ladies, if I had a dollar for every time I heard one of you say that, I'd be able to retire now. Be honest with yourself: have you thought or said that at least once? Or, in other words, has an internal conception of idealized beauty guided your approach toward exercise and shaped your goal of how you wish to ultimately look? And, men, why is it that you mostly feel compelled to exercise your chest and arms, to achieve a misguided look of feigned largeness in the upper regions of your body?

I believe so strongly that the socially constructed generalizations of universally desired beauty are paradoxically the most unhealthy ends towards which we aim to aspire. Women are constrained to this idea of smallness, a diminutive stature, as the means to ultimate beauty, which is why so many ladies skip meals or eat less and less. Men are steered by this false idea that larger is better, in every single capacity from body mass to genital size. Be honest with yourself: how many times have you wished you were taller, had a bigger chest, were more well endowed, stronger in general, had six-pack abs, or wished at least one thing about yourself was "that" as opposed to "this"? And, ladies, how many times have you wished you had hips like Beyonce, differently shaped breasts, more shapely looking legs, a toner stomach, were smaller, or wished something about yourself was different in some capacity? You cannot achieve true healthiness by riding the elliptical for an hour and a half and then doing 8-minute abs. The point I'm trying to underscore is that we always want we don't have, from things in life to the natural physical characteristics of our bodies, and as a result, we allow these insecurities about what we're not, or what we don't have, to unhealthily guide our pursuit toward better bodies. We want a large, wholesome egg long before we've given thought to nurturing a healthy chicken. You're the chicken, and it's time to lay better eggs; but, to do so, you must focus internally, not externally.

I don't believe in the Paleo diet, I don't believe in the Atkins diet, I don't believe in "no carbs," I don't believe in 8-minute abs, P-90X, meal replacement bars, juice cleanses, any of those infomercials about the newest gimmicky tool to help you "trim fat," and I loathe the "must look good for summer" mentality. All of the aforementioned is predicated upon this idea of "get fit quick." They all champion this false notion that there is a secret to success, which has been unlocked and that you can now easily access. And more importantly, they all perpetuate the idea that the body of your dreams is now within reach, whereas it wasn't before some "National Treasure-esque" health discovery yielded the hidden enigma of a better looking body. There is no secret to becoming healthier other than this: if you want that elusive "body of your dreams," you have to stop thinking about the "body of your dreams." Take whatever idealized image of a "hot body" you have stored in your mind and throw it away, place it under lock and key and burn it to smithereens. Never think about it again. Instead, think about becoming healthier. Meditate on adopting new life habits and focus your energy on mental cultivation. Stop thinking, "Only 10 more days left! Only 2 more sizes to go! Only 20 more lbs. on my bench press!" Instead, think, "I am strong, I am beautiful, I will become healthier."  Life is a marathon, not a sprint. And if you always pine over an ephemeral method of diet and exercise, expecting it to generate everlasting life changes, you will forever endure disappointment. There is no shortcut, no simple and secret method to feeling successful. And the journey most certainly doesn't commence in any gym or through any proclaimed diet and exercise plan; it begins in your mind, in the self-constructed view you of yourself.

Sure, wouldn't it be wonderful if we could all win the lottery, if we could all take a pill that magically allowed us to eat whatever we want, never exercise, and still look amazing? Yes, some people do win the lottery, and, yes, some people do have genetics which allow them to seemingly eat whatever and remain thin. But, for the rest of us who reside outside of those anomalies, we have to assume different approaches. In order to look better, you have to cultivate a stronger mind. Consistency is key to anything, mental discipline and the resolve to follow through even when you reach the bottom of the ninth inning, so to speak. Becoming healthier is pretty simple: exercise regularly and consistently, eat healthily, drink lots of water, receive sufficient rest, and consume alcohol and fatty foods in moderation. What is not initially simple is following through consistently. Diets and exercise regimens that claim you can bypass the aforementioned conventional method to becoming healthier through newly discovered shortcuts are completely false. Furthermore, these extremes through which people put themselves, such as eating only protein, enduring insubstantial juice cleanses, or whatever else, don't encourage strong foundational life habits, and whatever benefit might be gleaned from them is temporary.

The gym is always packed during the month of January. After people resolve to stick with their new year's resolutions, they drag themselves with heavy feet to the gym and haphazardly sulk around or force themselves through pain to try and invoke some sort of healthy change. When you analyze gym attendance on a weekly basis, Monday mornings and afternoons are the fullest; as the week elapses and you reach Thursday and Friday, the number of people tapers off considerably. Like trying to quit something Cold Turkey, you can't suddenly subject your body to exertions hitherto not experienced. You must start small, you must commence with a bite that you can manage to chew. You have to set yourself a schedule of 3-4 times per week and stick to it, no matter what. "Well, I just don't have the luxury of devoting that much time to exercise. And I simply don't have time to eat when at work." Really? Ask yourself honestly, do you literally have no time whatsoever to interject a new habit into your life? I so firmly believe that you have time for the things for which you want to have time. If you exercise four times a week consistently for roughly 45 minutes each time, very little of your schedule has been encroached upon. And if you spend 30 minutes the previous night making lunch for the next day, you still have ample time to fulfill whatever obligations you might have. This one is huge, especially for all the ladies: you must, no matter the circumstance, eat, and eat plentifully. There is a stigma in the wretched dieting world against eating and that we must only eat the bare minimum to subsist, less we fall victim to consuming more calories than we need.

Stop counting calories. You must eat 4-5 small meals every day, and you absolutely have to eat breakfast. "I just am not hungry in the morning, so I only drink coffee, maybe have a bar and then I'll wait until lunch to eat." I would bet my life on this: force yourself to eat in the morning, a real breakfast, even if you feel nauseous at first (yes, I used to feel the same way about breakfast) and I guarantee that after a week, maybe two, you will wake up hungry and be looking forward to breakfast. You have to eat. There's an old adage: "You don't build abs in the gym, you build them in the kitchen."

Stop looking in the mirror and scrutinizing your body. Stop concerning yourself with how you think others perceive your physical appearance. Out of the six odd billion people in the world, there is not one other person who looks exactly like you, twins included. Your body is unique to you and only you. In order to be healthy, you have to love it. That love begins in your mind and commences with your self-perception. Your body is a mirrored reflection of your internalized mental view of it. The way you think about your body and the habits you adopt as a result directly translate to your outward physical appearance. I look at myself everyday and I wish something about my body was different. I have insecurities about my physical appearance that shape and corrupt my thoughts in some fashion. I have to remind myself that I am who I am, that I look however I look, and that my physical appearance is unimportant in relation to the condition of my mind. I will focus on what I love and the rest will fall into place in the manner it should.

To the men: remember that your strength is not measured in the weight you can move, the stoicism that you are able to maintain, and the masculinity you can exude. To the ladies: remember that your worth is not measured by your beauty, that you do not need to drastically alter your appearance despite what societal constraints and media may sensationalize, and your body is your temple in which you can solely reside without invasion. People always ask me why I like chicken and vegetables with no sauce, why I enjoy exercising; people, I think, assume I must be trying to show off if I don't wear a shirt, or that I'm trying to look a certain way by exercising. I enjoy eating good foods regularly and exercising often because they both make me feel good. I learned through my own personal hardships that the things I thought I controlled merely resided under my realm insomuch as a pot of gold is attainable at the end of a rainbow. Control is an allusion under which we blanket ourselves to compensate for the insecurities we really have about the unpredictability of various outcomes. You don't truly control much of anything, as your life can change dramatically in an instant and circumstances for which you're simply not ready can befall you. But through the hailstorm of sadness and distortion, I arose on the other side with a new-found understanding of myself: that I can always control my own mind, my body, and my personal agency, regardless of whatever else I may incur. Your body is yours and you are so much stronger than you even realize.

The next time you exercise and arrive at the point that you think is your limit, pause for a brief moment, close your eyes, allow your music to fill your head and dispense with all of the thoughts running amok in your mind; breathe deeply, allow that succulent oxygen to fill your lungs, allow it to travel through your bloodstream and replenish your exhausted muscles. Remind yourself that everything will be okay, that the discomfort you are feeling is not so much physiological as it is your mind holding onto the safety net of its preconceived idea of your own limitations. Remind yourself that no matter what else is happening in your life at that moment, this small period of time is a block you have devoted to yourself and only yourself; you will confront the innumerable stresses in your life afterward, but first you will finish this set, this repetition, this mile, this last step, and you will feel so much stronger subsequently. Remind yourself that you are not concerned with how you look, but how you feel. Remind yourself that you need this time for yourself in order to bring balance to your life; you cannot only work and you cannot only exercise, you must have both for ultimate balance. Continue forth, focusing on your energy levels, your eating regularly, and your overall consistency; And one day, when you least expect it, you'll catch yourself in the mirror and your body will have assumed the appearance of your positive mental outlook of it--and, trust me, that's going to feel amazing.

"Your mind can subjugate anything, even real pain." -Bruce Lee